Weird Wednesday
by Story Please
Summary: Hermione wakes up quite a lot more out of sorts than she expected to be. Enough plot to be dangerous. Body-swap fic, not really canon-compliant. HG/SS endgame because reasons.


**Author's Note:** **This started out as a super tame story and became more and more M as I continued writing it because of course it did. You know me. _ There's a bit of gender swapping going on, but to clarify the usage of he/she/his/hers, I went by the gender of the character's mind instead of the sexual presentation of their body, if that makes sense? Hopefully it's not too confusing. Enjoy! :D**

* * *

 **Weird Wednesday**

Hermione awoke to blessed silence, rubbed her eyes, and stretched. Her tendons popped and protested immediately.

'Ugh,' she thought blearily, 'I feel so _old_.'

Well, she _had_ survived a war, and wars had a way of aging people before their time.

Scratching herself idly and yawning as she sat up in bed, she rubbed her eyes again, then frowned.

Something wasn't right.

She stood and stumbled towards the loo, wondering why she felt so...off.

In her haste, she tripped on something in the dim light of her room and caught herself, letting a choice swear word pass her lips.

 _Odd_ , her voice was terribly deep and gravelly, almost as though she'd come down with a cold.

It was only when she stepped in front of the sink and got a good look at herself that she finally snapped fully awake and let out a panicked bellow of profound distress that echoed through the castle.

Staring back at her in the mirror was the face of none other than Severus Snape, Headmaster of Hogwarts.

* * *

Severus growled in annoyance as a long strand of hair tickled his nose. He tried to blow it away and go back to sleep, but the hair was replaced by another, larger strand, which found its way into his mouth. Sputtering, he clawed at his face, only to find that his hands had become tangled in...hair?

"Bloody hell!" he cried, in a distinctly un-Snape-like voice, as he struggled to untangle his hands from the snarls of brown, unruly hair. Instead of breaking free, he rolled off the bed with a loud thud.

"Are you alright, Hermione?" A familiar voice said.

Snape blinked as a familiar face bent over him.

"Patil?" he asked.

"Oof, you must have really hit your head. You've been calling me Parvati since third year," Parvati said, and Severus felt his face growing hot as he realized that she was wearing nothing but a bra and underpants.

"Augh!" He threw his hands up over his face. "I'm _fine_! Go...get dressed!"

"Hmph." The young woman's face, which sported a silvery scar over her left cheekbone, curled into a frown and she stomped back to her bed. "Prude."

Severus frowned and looked around at his surroundings. Something the Patil girl had said suddenly came to mind.

"Did you say...Hermione?"

Parvati rolled her eyes from where she lay cocooned under her blankets. "Fool me once, Hermione. I'm not in the mood for it. There was a crazy party in the common room last night, and I'm not ready to get up."

Forgetting everything, Severus stood, his lips ready to form the words _ten points from Gryffindor for an unauthorized party_ when he realized that he was standing in an oversized t-shirt and his surprisingly dainty toes... _Merlin_...they were painted _scarlet_.

He glanced at the toilet on the far wall and sprinted inside, slamming the door. A strangled scream could be heard from inside moments later.

Parvati winced from the bed. "Ugh. Why does she have to be such a drama queen?"

* * *

Hermione was certain that she'd never stop blushing with embarrassment. How was she to know that the Headmaster preferred to sleep... _au naturale_? Luckily, she'd been able to find a pair of gray underpants slung over a nearby chair, but putting them on while desperately trying not to look below the waist was an exercise in frustration. She'd screamed a little when she felt parts of her body that had never been part of her before that very morning shift against her thighs, which were far hairier than-

'Don't look, Hermione, just put them on,' she thought desperately.

Between that, and using the toilet, Hermione was seriously considering climbing back into bed and going back to sleep until she woke up in her proper body, but she also knew that it would cause more problems .

Hermione had some idea how long it took boys to take care of things in the morning, but she'd never experienced it firsthand. Every time she brushed against a silver scar or felt hair where there had been none the night before, she could feel goosebumps prickling up her arms. She was beginning to see why the Headmaster preferred to dress in layers that covered himself from his ankles to his palms when out in public. Oddly enough, she was somewhat surprised at how soft his hands were, despite the fact that he worked with potions ingredients regularly (as was in evidence by the active brewing lab down the hall from his sleeping quarters). Experiencing life from within Snape's body was, oddly enough, somewhat comforting. Going through the banal motions of getting ready for one's day was more than enough to make her feel intimately empathetic for him, especially considering the number of painful-looking reminders that traversed the length of his body (well, the parts of his body she was comfortable looking at without feeling as though she was about to combust with embarrassment).

"Another thing to check off the bucket list, I suppose," she muttered to herself in Snape's deep, whispery voice as she buttoned up the last of his many silver buttons.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she had to admit, she didn't look half-bad. Sure, the headmaster never brushed his hair, but it was an ingrained habit for her at this point, so his hair fell in satin curtains on both side of his head. She winked and smiled in the mirror, instantly dissolving into hysterical laughter at seeing such a stern, severe looking face stretch into such an out-of-character expression.

"I'm ready, I suppose," she told her reflection, trying to muster the courage to leave the room. She grabbed Snape's... _her_...wand, and tucked it into a hidden chest pocket she'd discovered while dressing.

The wand thrummed against her chest with a discordant tone. Hermione was fairly certain it knew that she wasn't its master, though she also knew it was silly to think such a thing.

"Don't worry, we'll find him and figure out how to fix this," she said, stroking the wand gently. The wand let out a tiny cloud of sparks as though it found this particularly amusing, and Hermione had to agree, it would have been hilarious...if it hadn't been happening to _her_.

* * *

There were very few things that Severus was unfamiliar with. The usage of a brassiere, apparently, was one of these things. He almost gave up when, somehow, he found the armband trapped under his... _Hermione's_...er…breasts. As his fingers brushed against them in the struggle against the damned thing, Severus was very, _very_ thankful that his surge of amorous feelings largely went unnoticed from an external perspective other than the flush across his cheeks.

"I worry about you, girl," Lavender said, shaking her head and helping Severus pull free of the constricting torture device. Severus squeaked in a completely humiliating manner and let Lavender help him get the damned thing on. He looked at the girl with grateful eyes, noting that she was still wearing a glamour over the right side of her face where the worst of Fenrir Grayback's handiwork had torn furrows into her flesh. It left her with a halo effect that made her look a bit otherworldly.

"What?" Severus asked hoarsely, realizing the girl had continued speaking.

"I said, are you sure you don't want us to walk you up to the Infirmary, Hermione?" Lavender repeated. "You're acting awfully strange after your tumble."

Severus managed what he hoped sounded like a girlish giggle and smiled awkwardly. "Oh...um...no, I...er...my mind's just been on some...er...things lately…"

"Leave her be, Lav," Parvati said, smacking gum from where she was fixing her hair at the vanity next to her bed. "Remember that week she studied without sleeping and started answering questions in Mermish? If she says she's fine, then she's fine."

Severus threw on the robes that were laid out at the foot of the bed, eminently glad that they were basically the same as the boys' robes, save a bit of tailoring to make them a bit more form-fitting. He searched around a bit until he found Hermione's wand under her pillow and grabbed her bookbag before heading down the stairs to the Gryffindor common room.

" _There_ she is!" Severus froze at the sound of that familiar, irritating voice.

"Potter," he growled menacingly, glaring at the boy, who'd looked up from a copy of _Quidditch Monthly_ and waved in his direction.

"Mione!" Ron cried out happily, and before Severus could react, the boy bounded over, threw his arms around him, and planted a kiss on his lips. "I love you, you know that, right?"

"Oi!" Harry said good-naturedly, "I thought we agreed- no snogging this early in the morning! It puts me off breakfast!"

"Ha-ha!" Ron replied sarcastically as Severus stood frozen in place.

"Wha-what is the meaning of this... _this_ ….Weasley!" he sputtered as he recovered from the shock of having been snogged (with tongue, no less) by the youngest male Weasley.

Ron gave him an odd look. "Have you been up all night _again_ , Mione? I keep telling you it's going to melt your brain."

Severus could feel his cheeks growing scarlet with mortification. Of course. The girl was dating... _him_. He felt his lips pulling back into a sneer out of habit. Though Severus did not claim to know much about picking male suitors, he was fairly certain that Weasley was not particularly high on the Hogwarts list of most eligible bachelors. Of course, he conceded that he was also probably not one to talk, being a lifelong bachelor of the dark bastard variety.

"Ooh, Ron, better leave it. Looks like she's in a bad mood this morning, eh mate?" Harry teased.

"For your information, some of us do not appreciate being attacked by a great slobbering git first thing in the morning!" Severus said angrily, stomping his foot.

Ron shot him an annoyed look. "Well, I for one think you're being unreasonable."

Severus glared at him. "If I wanted your opinion, Weasley, I'd ask for it."

Ron reddened. "So it's _Weasley_ and not _Ron_ , then, is it? And after you spent all evening mooning about because I wasn't being affectionate enough. You're perfectly insufferable, you know that?"

With that, he stormed off, Harry close behind with a somewhat apologetic look on his face.

Severus scoffed. He didn't have time for all this drama. Hermione could sort things out once they'd switched back into their proper bodies.

'Granger,' he reminded himself. When had he begun thinking of her as Hermione? He shook his head and hoisted Hermione's bag over his shoulder. He reminded himself that he'd treat himself to a nice glass of brandy when everything was finally over.

That is, if they could figure out how to switch back.

* * *

As Hermione ran towards Gryffindor Tower, she saw two familiar faces.

"Harry! Ron!" Hermione called out.

Instead of their usual friendly smiles, both Harry and Ron appeared ready to bolt in the opposite direction. It took Hermione a moment to remember that, to them, it must look as though the feared Headmaster was running full-tilt at them.

"Severus! What are you doing?" Hermione turned her head to see McGonagall standing behind her with her hands on her hips. "Don't you dare dock points for those two! They've done nothing wrong!"

Hermione opened her mouth to explain herself, when she heard the portrait slam at the top of the stairs.

"YOU!" Hermione heard her own voice echoing down the stairs. Moments later, a thunderous-looking version of herself was staring her in the face.

"Miss Granger!" McGonagall looked scandalized.

"Don't you _Miss Granger_ me, Minerva!" came the reply. "I have had a very bad morning, and I am not about to let it continue a moment longer!"

"Well I never! Ten points from Gryffindor and a detention on Friday for such blatant disrespect!" McGonagall replied.

Hermione felt a sickening sense of vertigo as her own body turned to glare at her. "I don't know what you've done, but it's time you repair it. _Immediately_."

"I...I'm not sure I know what you're referring to," Hermione said, drawing herself up and pretending to be as Snape-like as possible. "The detention won't be necessary, Minerva. I shall see to her punishment."

"Are you quite all right, Severus?" McGonagall peered at Hermione, who tried not to look nervous. "You look a bit peaked."

"I'll be much better once I get my blasted body back, Minerva!" Severus shouted, bushy curls bouncing around his borrowed body's face.

Harry and Ron stared. Hermione noticed that Ron had gone a bit green and was wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"What in heaven's name is going on here?" McGonagall turned to her and Hermione could feel the tears welling up in her eyes.

Before she could reply, Hermione felt her own hand close around her wrist, and found herself being dragged roughly down the hall.

"Are you completely mental?!" she shouted. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Saving both our arses, is what I'm doing!" came the reply.

He pulled her into an alcove, and Hermione could feel her breasts pressing into her back as he pulled her against him and placed a hand- her hand- over her mouth to keep her from making any noise as their pursuers ran by, oblivious.

"Professor-"

"Don't call me that! It's bad enough I'm trapped in an... _unsuitable_ body, I don't want to be called _that_ as well."

Hermione felt her cheeks going pink.

"Oh great, so that's how I look when I'm embarrassed." Snape had pulled her into an alcove and they caught their respective breaths.

"Er...Sn-"

"Call me Severus. You won the bloody war, so you of all people ought to be able to use my name whenever you like." He didn't look at her when he said this, and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed as though it didn't matter. "Also, you appear to have my body in your possession. I would like it back."

"What's the magic word?" Hermione stuck out her tongue at him.

"I would like it back... _Hermione_ ," Severus repeated, turning to look her in the eye. "Preferably right now."

"I didn't mean-"

"Of course you didn't. You didn't mean to give yourself cat ears and a tail in your second year, but you managed _that_ famously," he said scathingly.

Hermione blushed deeply. "I was curious, you see…"

"And when are you not?" Severus replied

"There were directions and a detailed ingredients list in _Moste Potente Potions_ \- it was rather simple to brew- just a couple of common ingredients and a few stirs, honest!"

He looked unimpressed. "I am a Potions master, Hermione. I am intimately aware of the complexity of the Polyjuice Potion."

"That sounds rather funny coming from my mouth," Hermione replied, chuckling deeply. "Ah, you have such a nice laugh. Shame you don't use it often."

"Stop... _laughing_ in my body!" Severus replied irritably. "It's offensive!"

"Well, _you_ need to stop _glaring_ in _my_ body!" Hermione retorted. "You're going to give me wrinkles before my time!"

"Perhaps I would stop glaring if you stopped giving me reasons to glare!" Severus was practically shouting now and he vaguely thought that it was probably a good idea not to shout,but he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Hermione glared at him as fiercely as she could muster and he stepped back almost immediately at the sight of her.

"Merlin's pants, so _that's_ how I look?" he said, somewhat aghast.

"Not all the time," Hermione replied, sticking out her tongue. "Maybe you should try this instead."

"Augh, that's horrible! I don't want to see my own tongue from this angle! It's horrible!"

This time, Hermione threw her head back and laughed deep, long and loudly. She only stopped when Snape shushed her loudly and pointed to the hallway. Hermione could hear footsteps coming towards their hiding place.

"Now!" he hissed, "To my quarters before we're discovered!"

Hermione knew better than to argue.

* * *

Hermione had to admit that it was very surreal to watch her body pacing back and forth in front of her. She'd taken a seat on one of Snape's wing-backed leather chairs, and it was pretty obvious from the way that Severus was hunching his shoulders and squinting that he was racking his brain to find a solution for their predicament. Hermione sat back and crossed one leg over the other, steepling her fingers in thought.

Snape looked at her and frowned. "You look comfortable in my body," he remarked dryly.

Hermione started, color staining her cheeks. "I was trying to think-"

"Ah," he replied, rolling his eyes, "hadn't even gotten to the thinking part yet, eh? I get the feeling that my brain is being poorly serviced by having your...essence...within it."

Hermione's eyes blazed with fury. " _Oh_ , _really_?" she grit out. "If you're so brilliant, let's hear your ideas."

To her surprise, she saw her cheeks turning a deep shade of scarlet that she'd never quite seen before. After a long pause, he finally spoke. "I shall preface this with the fact that, had I known you would have been in the library doing...that…"

He trailed off, seemingly far too mortified to speak.

At this, a sense of understanding had filled her and Hermione had covered her face with her long fingers. She was secretly glad that they basically covered up her own embarrassment. Her cheeks burned with such fury that she felt as though they must have begun to glow.

She, of course, knew exactly what he was referring to.

* * *

No one was ever in the library this late. Hermione knew this, and she also knew the charm to properly disable the wards and locks on the library doors.

Oh, who was she kidding? There were no wards or special charmed locks to keep people out. Only the threat of such things, which worked on pretty much every student that wasn't Hermione Granger, seeing as the library was generally considered a place that students had to force themselves to visit as a last resort. The threat of Madam Pince kept most other sorts of shenanigans from being considered after hours.

The operative word being _most_.

Hermione had learned in her first year at Hogwarts, that as long as you didn't break any of the rules that mattered (which mostly came down to hurting people in a way that could never heal), breaking rules was rarely an issue if one was never caught. She'd learned over the years that the library was basically an open book to anyone who wanted to be inside of it, and she'd had an all-access pass to the Restricted Section for years. It was only in her so-called eighth year that she'd learned that there was another section- one that only availed itself to those who were of age or who were given special permission from the Head for research purposes.

The Deep Secrets Room.

It had, in fact, been the first place checked when the Chamber of Secrets had been opened. It was thought that the entry must be somehow connected to it, especially due to the generally secretive nature of the place. But, as only a handful of students were ever even made aware of its existence, it had predictably yielded nothing out of the ordinary. Professors were known to store rare books in the room, and many of the books were very obviously for adult eyes only.

The room itself was hidden in the back of a maze of books on the driest, most ancient and boring sections ever known. Most were about subjects such as troll toenail clipping techniques and goblin bridal rituals, which were very rarely used for anything in the modern Hogwarts curriculum but had been donated to the library at some point in the third century and were still perfectly preserved, so there was no real reason to throw them out.

The Deep Secrets Room was large, with shadowy areas around the room. Each bookcase was fitted with a curtain made of thick, scarlet velvet, which whispered softly as it was moved aside. These curtains were charmed to keep light and dust off of the books, which often led to premature aging of protective charms, cracking of leather, and yellowing of the pages.

Three long tables were set up in the middle of the room with circular tiffany glass lamps in the shapes of various magical creatures hanging above them. The contrast between darkness and the bright light from the lamps illuminated the tables and created a cosy, intimate feeling in the room. The lamps themselves were clever things, which used runic coils to create light, but the practice had never caught on due to the time and delicacy it took to properly carve them in sunstone.

This was where Hermione had begun studying the sort of highly embarrassing topic that would lend to sneaking down to the library alone in the dead of night.

Sex magic.

Hermione didn't consider herself prudish, merely particular. So, when she'd begun to sexually experiment with Ron, she'd found her initial titillation died quickly away when he spent very little time trying to pleasure her while also demanding that she "take care" of him. It was short, brutish and not at all like the loving, romantic, fade-to-black moments she'd seen on television or in films. Sure, his kisses were quite nice, but Hermione had begun to wonder if she simply wasn't interested in men...at least physically. After she'd put off giving him her virginity for over a month, Ron finally had enough and dumped her for someone who would, as he put it, "put out for a war hero."

Hermione had cried on and off for a week and felt like a broken failure of a human being. Secretly, though, she felt at least a little relief at the fact that she wouldn't be pressured to do things she wasn't comfortable doing.

But, like most of the times in her life where she felt lost and needed guidance, Hermione soon realized that what she needed was not more time to mope and overindulge in chocolate frogs. No. What she needed was time to _research_.

That night had been her first time venturing down to the Deep Secrets Room to start learning everything she could about Sex Magic. The first spell she'd tried out was a charm that basically caused full-body orgasms, and Hermione had been in the middle of testing that out when she thought she'd the sound of heavy cloth moving. She'd meant to investigate, but then she was coming, and coming and _coming._ Her whole body shook and when it was over she collapsed, boneless, onto the table. By that time, she'd been so relaxed that she'd nearly drifted off to sleep, but before she did that, she'd decided to try the incantation and wand movements for another spell that she'd been eyeing ever since she'd learned first hand just how selfish boys could be when it came to giving pleasure.

Though the spell itself had to be translated from Old French, Hermione was reasonably sure that it was an "experience sharing" spell- made for lovers who wanted to ensure that their techniques were more than just hot air.

"Still," Hermione had mused sleepily, "it's not like I have anyone to use it with."

She'd thought that she was safe. After all, the spell required both users to be in the same room.

She had not seen the pair of dragonhide boots sticking out from the bottom of one of the curtains in the far back of the room.

* * *

Severus had not meant to be in the Deep Secrets Room so late. However, he'd needed a text for a potion idea he'd been working on and he rarely slept anyway, so he figured what better time to go down and get it? He'd entered just as he heard a telltale moan and instantly concealed himself behind a curtain. He immediately considered that it must be a fellow teacher, which, while improper, was not exactly forbidden. After all, it wasn't like he'd never had the odd wank in an abandoned classroom or alcove when the mood struck him (not often, but from time to time, the voyeuristic thrill was too tempting to refuse). When he saw the heaving bosom and glistening thighs of Hermione Granger lying spread-eagled on one of the tables, however, his first instinct was to freeze. She was a war hero. She had all of the permissions in the world to do whatever she wanted. And apparently, what she wanted to do...was…

Severus had forced himself to look away. His ears, however, were another story. They pricked to hear the sound of her pleasuring herself- the hitch in her breath as she pulled herself closer and closer to pleasure. When she came, he felt his whole body tingling sympathetically, though his own erection strained painfully against the fabric of his trousers.

Still, he couldn't risk being seen. He had to stay quiet and wait for her to leave. He chanced a peek out and instantly bit his lip to stop himself from moaning. He could practically see everything from the angle at which she was exposing herself. He bent his legs at the knees to take some pressure off of his straining cock, but it only proved to make it harder to stop himself from moaning. This time, he bit his tongue, but his traitorous legs continued to bend and straighten until the head of his cock was rubbing against the fabric of his trousers in an unspeakably pleasureable way.

'Careful, Severus,' he thought to himself, 'you can rub one out once she leaves.'

Sure, she was still technically his student, but she was also almost twenty years old. Even a hardened old bastard like Severus Snape had trouble holding himself back when faced with such a vision of desirability. Still, Severus had one thing on his side- his stubbornness. Regardless of how much he wanted to tear the curtain aside, stride over to the table where Hermione lay panting with her legs spread wide, and bury his cock deep inside of her while moaning into her wanton mouth, Severus knew that he would not do any such thing. Still, his desire was such that he didn't even seem to notice when Hermione re-dressed and sat back down on one of the chairs with the book she'd been studying from earlier. He didn't notice her drawing her wand and mumbling a few words into the darkness.

If he'd been paying attention, he'd have felt the tingling sensation in his toes that spread all the way up through his throat like a band of marauding butterflies.

But Snape did not care about any of these things. He was lost, deep in thought, his mind filled with imagined debauchery that he knew would never come true.

* * *

"We have to _WHAT_?" Hermione exclaimed, standing up as Severus read from the book he'd fetched from the Deep Secrets Room.

"Don't put this on me, Hermione," Severus snapped, "I wasn't the one blithely casting sex magic in the middle of the bloody night!"

"You weren't supposed to have seen!" Hermione replied angrily. " _Any_ of it."

"Oh really?" Severus sneered, and Hermione could see his disdain in his expression. "If that was the case, then why did you neglect to place the merest of notification wards on the door? There are all sorts of wards to keep people out, and I don't doubt that you know all of them. So, then, Hermione. Why. Didn't. You?"

He advanced upon her, and Hermione backed away, despite his shorter height. Objectively it was hard to believe that being menaced by her own body could work, but Severus managed famously.

"I...I….I didn't think-" She hated how her voice cracked so easily in this foreign male body.

"That's right. You _didn't_ think. You _never_ do, do you?" Severus was snarling openly by this point.

"That's unfair- you know that I...I don't…" Hermione fought to find the words. She couldn't bear the thought of telling him the truth.

"You know what I think?" Severus replied, bending down so that his nose was pressing against hers. "I think that someone as thorough and exact as Hermione Granger does not simply forget to cover her pretty little arse. I think you _liked_ the possibility of being caught."

Hermione gulped. It was made all the more obvious by the bobbing of her borrowed body's Adam's Apple. "S-stop saying such lewd things in my voice!" She managed, but the guilt burned on her face.

He was right.

It had started out when she'd begun touching herself with the curtains around her bed drawn. She'd quickly realized that the thought of possibly being caught was enough to get her sopping wet in moments. Soon, she was trying it in various places- the stalls in the girls loo, dark alcoves late at night, her dorm bed with the curtains tied back, her legs straining and spread as she rubbed herself to completion at the thought of her roommates' shock. Even the Gryffindor Common Room hadn't been spared. She'd made sure to be the last to leave during the holidays for just that purpose. The thought of someone coming back to grab something they forgot only to see her naked and writhing against one of the plush couches, leaving a wet spot when she'd finished crying out in climax into a pillow, was intoxicating.

Hermione's eyes refocused just in time to see her own face drawing dangerously close. She could see the golden flecks in her irises disappear as her pupils blew wide. A familiar musky scent filled her nostrils and she knew that Severus felt the same way.

All she could think in that moment was, 'Damn, but I want to kiss myself."

And then, she was crushing her lips against his, only she was _Snape_ and Snape was _her_ and she was twining her fingers through her snarls of hair and he- he was nimbly undoing the buttons on his jacket, with her slim fingers. And even she was tearing with ungainly yet graceful fingers at her cardigan, finding herself filled with irritation at how awkward it was to remove whilst simultaneously trying to snog the lips off of someone else.

Hermione gasped as he finally undid her trousers and grasped tightly against her erection. _Oh_. She bit her lip, noticing how her breathing grew ragged under his touch. So _that_ was why Ron found himself bereft of words while she had touched him. Still, Hermione was nothing if not stubborn, and she unhooked Snape's bra, deftly slipping her fingers underneath the fabric and gently tweaking the nipples on his breasts. He moaned, arching his back and pressing against her like a cat in heat.

'No, that's not right,' she thought, filled with momentary panic. 'Those are my breasts, but he's—"

And then he slipped his tongue into her mouth, his grip tightening around her shaft, and all rational thought escaped her.

Hermione was thankful that she'd been seated, or she might have fallen over. The pressure of him on her lap and the sensation of bushy, curling hair tickling her neck was heavenly. Severus knew just how to touch her- she was, after all, inside of his body, and she soon felt herself reaching her climax. When she finally stopped seeing spots before her eyes and her moans had finally dwindled to a soft panting, she opened her eyes and watched her own face carefully. Severus' bemused smirk twisted her youthful features, but it did not look unattractive at all. On the contrary, Hermione only wanted to kiss him more.

"Come on," she said, shifting him over until he was sitting on her lap, his back pressed against her chest (she was grateful for the lack of breasts in the male body she inhabited or the position would have been physically impossible). She used her long arms to slide around Severus' breasts and snake down his belly, her pale hand nudging his thighs apart until her fingers came to rest against the heat of his white knickers. "I think you'll find that I've become rather knowledgeable about myself as well," she whispered into his ear, pressing one finger slowly and gently down the middle of his pubic mound until he let out a sharp cry in her voice.

It was delicious. _She_ felt delicious. Watching her body reacting so wonderfully to the touch of hands that were not usually hers and knowing Severus was the one feeling every little sensation broadcasted to what was normally her skin was intoxicating. As if he read her mind, he moaned breathily, in a cute and high-pitched manner that Hermione found most endearing.

She pressed her fingers under the cotton panties with a deft and practiced motion, slipping one of her fingers into the wet and warm entrance beneath it.

"Hermioneeeee!" Severus keened loudly, only in Hermione's voice, and Hermione tipped his chin back with her other hand and kissed him as she continued pressing and moving with her fingers until he was letting out lovely little gasps into her mouth. Eventually, he arched against her, his head thrown back against her chest, curly hair splayed out wildly as he cried out in completion. Hermione sucked on her fingers, tasting her own familiar musk and smiling.

" _More_ ," she demanded, loving the sound of his deep rumbling voice under her command.

She scooped him up into her arms, reveling in how easy it was to use the strength in a male body, and strode boldly into the bedroom.

"Are you sure?" Severus whispered, looking up at her with her own large, doe-like eyes.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," she replied, tucking a stray strand of curly hair behind one of his ears.

His eyes grew unfocused with desire as she leaned down and kissed him.

"You're not just doing this to change us back anymore either, are you?" Hermione asked him, drawing back after snogging him senseless.

"Not if you promise to kiss me like that again," he panted back at her.

So Hermione did.

There was something deliciously wicked about kissing her own body while inhabiting the body of another person. Even though she knew that she was technically not herself, at least on the outside, she still _felt_ like herself on the inside, and it was tantalizing to know exactly how to please the body of her beloved.

Their clothing was already mostly disheveled at this point, but it still took some creative maneuvering for them to break free of the remaining bits of cloth that restrained them both. Hermione had to suppress a giggle as she helped Snape remove his bra.

"How you manage to put one of these confounded devices on each day is a mystery to me," Severus growled as she unhooked it and allowed him to shrug out of the shoulder straps until it had come free in her hands.

"Magic," Hermione replied, smirking.

He seemed about to say something, but then she was kissing his breasts and he grew rather distracted at the pleasure of her ministrations.

"I just want you to know...it's my first time," Hermione said, when she found him bucking against her erection. She stared down at him, biting her lower lip and wondering if it would really count as her first time if she was in another body, one that likely had plenty of previous-

"It's my first time as well." He said the words so quietly that she wouldn't known to listen for them if she hadn't been watching his lips move.

"Is that true?" She searched his eyes for deception and found none.

"I wouldn't bloody well say it was unless I found myself naked and vulnerable underneath someone with whom I felt ought to be informed before we...proceed," he replied, his voice tinged with shame.

Hermione stared at him for a long moment before leaning forward to nuzzle his nose and kiss him gently on the lips.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?" He looked away, blushing.

"For telling me." Hermione grasped at her wand, pressing the tip against his abdomen and cast a contraceptive charm as well as a lubrication charm she'd learned in one of her fertility texts and tried out several times before.

Severus gasped audibly as the magic took effect. "What did you-"

"I made sure you'd be safe," she assured him, kissing him soundly once more. "That we'd _both_ be safe. I imagine that you would prefer not to make a baby the first time you have sex."

"I...well...when you say it like that…" He went a deeper shade of scarlet and Hermione couldn't help but squeeze him close to her.

"I'll go slow, I promise," she assured him. Then, moving the tip of her cock to the outer fold of his labia, she slowly began to press inside of him.

They were gasping with pleasure and the pressure and fullness of their connection. As Hermione bottomed out inside of him, her lips found his and they pressed foreheads. A bright light began to fill her field of vision and Hermione could feel her nerves rewiring as she began to move back and forth. She was filled with the odd sensation of being in two bodies at once- feeling both her own body and Severus' body as they moved together. The lubrication and tightness inside of her was more than either of them could bear. She could feel his thoughts as though they were her own. She could feel his fingers entwining with hers and she could feel her fingers entwining with his until their bodies seemed to have no end- they fed into each other and _were_ each other simultaneously as their bodies connected in the most intimate of places.

"Oh _-there_ , yes-oh _please-_ " Severus was mumbling incoherently, his voice seeming to come from her lips one moment and his own the next.

Their voices seemed to reach a fever pitch as each of them seemed to reach their respective limits. It was not just one, but two orgasms that built up in their bodies and radiated outward, pressing their respective consciousnesses together until Hermione felt as though she knew Severus in a way that she hadn't known him before, and she could tell that he felt the same.

"Oh fuck, I can't-I'm going-"

As they succumbed to climax, they both called out each other's names, though whether they were able to manage it aloud or merely think it simultaneously, they would never know. With a bright singing light, magic washed over them both and they collapsed back down in a twisted mess of sheets and sweat, their chests heaving as they slowly recovered from their shared ordeal.

Hermione's eyelids felt almost impossibly heavy and she only managed a soft kiss on Severus' forehead before succumbing to slumber. It felt odd to see him back in his body again, but his black eyes were filled with a sense of peace that had never been there before and Hermione liked to think that she was the one who'd put it there. Without a word, he pulled a blanket over both of them and wrapped one arm tightly around her as he followed her in sleep.

Hermione did not remember her dreams, but she remembered feeling more secure than she could ever remember having felt since the end of the war.

* * *

Hermione awoke to the sound of deep, even breathing in her ear. She yawned and stretched, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and turned to see the slack, sleeping face of Severus Snape to her right. She snuggled closer to him as she realized she was still naked, but thankfully she was in her own body once more. There was a lingering ache inside of her, but it was less of a painful sensation than the feeling of rarely used muscles after a fairly taxing workout. She also realized that she felt quite a lot wetter than usual and flushed as she realized what it was. Quickly, she grabbed her wand and cleaned herself up.

"I...apologize," Severus said, looking at her sheepishly. "It's been awhile since I…"

Hermione blushed and put her wand back on the bedside table. "Don't worry. It felt good. After all, it's not like we have to worry about pregnancy or anything…"

It was Severus' turn to blush. "I should hope not. But sex magic can be a fickle beast. I would recommend a contraceptive potion on top of the charm just to be safe."

"Well, it does last a week…" Hermione trailed off, smirking at the somewhat panicked look on his face as she leaned forward to kiss him, nuzzling her nose against the side of his neck and taking in his scent.

"Are you...implying what I think you're implying?" He looked uncertain, his face filled with a sort of youthful curiosity that she'd never seen there before.

"I'm not implying anything," Hermione replied bravely. "I'm saying that, if you want me, then I want you."

"Oh. Well." He kissed her back hungrily, his arm drawing her closer to him. "If that's the case, then I have a number of places in Hogwarts Castle that I can think of that ought to...do nicely."

Hermione could feel butterflies in her chest as she imagined the various places they could go.

"Right here is fine, to start," she replied, rubbing against his rising erection with her hand.

" _Anything_ for you," he rumbled, his voice breathy and deep. It shot right through her and Hermione knew that she wouldn't need the lubrication charm _this_ time.

Over the next few months, they shagged in pretty much every hidden place in Hogwarts Castle, and a few that were not nearly so hidden- often with the added thrill of the possibility of being caught. Being the headmaster offered a number of perks, giving Severus and Hermione access to all manner of locations for them to enjoy to the fullest as he filled her time and time again.

But beyond the sex, they'd also developed a deep emotional bond, their bodies thrumming with need every time they were close to one another. They held hands and read together, or debated on various scholarly articles. They cuddled in bed, and Severus made her breakfast. Hermione made his tea just the way he liked it. It was more than just a physical relationship, even though it had started that way thanks to that blasted sex magic charm.

After Hermione officially graduated, which was more of a formality than anything, she stayed on as an apprentice librarian. The library already loved her as much as a non sentient, magic repository of knowledge could love her, and she was a quick study as always.

It took her another two years of asking and asking, but finally Severus yes when she proposed to him. Later that evening, however, he proposed to _her_ , which made her shake her head and laugh and simultaneously say, 'Yes, of _course_ , Severus!"

"Well, you know how much I love a sure thing," he purred back, kissing her softly. "Now, then, I've given the house elves the night off and forbidden them from working, so how about we try the kitchens?"

Hermione squealed with delight and let him lead her down the stairs, her heart thudding with anticipation.

* * *

The wedding was slightly larger than either of them were comfortable with and located in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. Magorian officiated the nuptials and everyone important to them attended. It wasn't until afterwards, when they finally collapsed, exhausted, on their wedding bed, that Hermione pulled the book of sex magic from her suitcase and grinned wickedly at him in invitation.

Severus merely raised an eyebrow, but nodded, and Hermione cast the spell once more. As they both adjusted to having switched their bodies once again, they were both filled with the knowledge that this would be a night to remember. Their wands and clothing set aside, they set to work melding their bodies and minds in pleasure. There would be no need for contraceptive charms or potions any longer. For now that they'd pledged their lives to one another, the future stretched out before them, and they were both eager to see just how much their love could grow.


End file.
